Tuesday, 14 May 2013

I Haven't Posted In a While...

I haven't posted in a while...not much has been happening in my life. I have been volunteering at the hospital in the ER once a week for 4 hours and I am really starting to not like it. Today a nurse was a total bitch to me. She scolded me for something I didn't even do; I was so shocked that I didn't say anything and then I left that area. I was really upset...I have horrible anxiety as is. I hardly sleep the night before I go to the hospital and sometimes my stomach is upset as well. I think I might switch areas in the hospital because I do not like being in the ER and all I do is basically clean...so not what I thought it would be. I don't want to quit volunteering because it would just reinforce my anxiety plus my mom said she would kick me out.

I haven't seen my therapist for over a month because she was sick the day I was supposed to go in and then she went on vacation. I really need to talk to her and I want to set up an appointment to see a psychiatrist. My moods have been awful and I don't think my medication is working at all (actually I don't think it has ever worked). I'm still on 15mg of cipralex. On the plus side I don't have any side affects (except when I started it).

My mom has commented in the past that she thinks I could possibly have aspergers and my friend thinks I could be bipolar. I know I have something other than depression and anxiety...only a psychiatrist can tell me that. My friend said that I need to see a psychiatrist and get this straightened out and get the right treatment. She has just been diagnosed a while ago with bipolar type 2. I have similar symptoms as her (not exactly the same). One major difference is that I get very paranoid when "manic" (right now I'm assuming that I was manic since I have no diagnosis). I am definitely not schizophrenic...this I am very sure of.

Grr I just want to be normal and have a perfect life. I'm sick of being this way. My anxiety stands in front of everything I do. My family think I can just get over it; they just don't understand how awful it is.

Sorry for being so pessimistic but that's how I feel today.


  1. Sounds like you have a rough time! I hope you feel better soon and maybe this youtube video can help you feel better about yourself. It is Tony Robbins speaking about how your thoughts control what kind of action you take.


  2. Thanks for your comment! I am having a very hard time lately. I'll check out the video.