Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Start Work Tomorrow

I am so freaking scared! This is my first legitimate job in this country and it is for a big well known company. I don't know what to do tomorrow. I don't have a sticker on my card to clock in yet...I don't know what to do. I don't know where I'm supposed to go or who is going to be my supervisor. The woman who did my orientation told me that she wasn't going to be there that day so I should just go to the department where I am going to work.

I am a person who likes to know exactly what I am going to do and with whom. I know exactly nothing except the days and times I work. I am working really weird hours since we are changing locations. I work 2 days at the old store and then I switch to the new store and I am apparently helping with setting up at the new store for 2 weeks.

My hours are 1pm to 9pm, 8am to 5pm, and 2pm to 11pm. Another thing, I am supposed to be working part time hours, but since we are in the middle of moving and there is a lot of work to be done I have to work over 40 hour weeks. Hopefully when the grand opening of the new store I will then after a while go to part time hours (12-28 hours), but then again Christmas is coming up so I may need to continue until the new year. I have worked over 40 hours before and I survived. It was way more physical than the job I will work now so hopefully I will be less tired than I was before.

I wanted to work part time because I need to take my courses to go back to college and I will be starting to volunteer at the hospital. I want to volunteer there so I can see which field of health care I like and what I would be getting myself into.

Some of the careers I'm interested in so far are: nurse, practical nurse, pharmacy tech., radiology tech., paramedic or firefighter. I picked these because I am very good in emergency situations. I never freak out and I know exactly what to do without having to think.

I just hope I figure out exactly what career choice is best for me.

Anyways I am hoping my job goes well tomorrow and that I don't get one of the old bitchy ladies to train me. (I was told by family members that there were a couple working in my department that were rude and bitchy, as well as ancient.) Wish me luck!

P.S. Happy Halloween!

Monday, 29 October 2012

Officially Got the Job

Everything checked out and I will be starting orientation tomorrow. I am starting to get nervous as it gets closer to me starting. Ah well I'm dealing with it. Growing up sucks, but I need to finish paying off my student loan and save up to go back to school in about 2 years. I need to succeed in life no matter how hard and scary it is; if I don't reach my goal, then I would hate myself and have 'what ifs' playing in my head for the rest of my life. I'm not going to say exactly what I want to go back to school for yet because I don't want to jinx it.

So I got the job today! Which is October 23rd! I'm not going to publish this until my references are called and then if they like my references, then it will be official. YAY.

Friday, 19 October 2012

Interview Is Done :)

My Interview is complete! I answered the questions pretty well I thought. We had to role play and I was pretty nervous and had a little stutter over a couple words. I hope I get the job, but if I don't then I'm okay with that. While I was waiting I was okay then my hands started to tingle and go numb (that's usually my sign of a panic attack). I was thinking oh hell no this is not going to get any worse, I am a strong, smart awesome person and I CAN DO THIS...then I popped a mint into my mouth and chewed it to distract myself. I usually start to get dizzy and pass out. This has only happened to me once when I was nervous and about 3 times when I had just come over the flu or once when I flew off my bike and my stomach hit the handle bars.

I am not going to let this control my life. I am taking steps towards getting over this stupid thing I have. I want to be "normal". I need to conquer talking to strangers, talking on the phone, and most of all being confident in my abilities and myself. Having a retail position will certainly make me talk to people I don't know or feel comfortable with. I am stronger than this and I usually forget that. Each time I have a positive experience I become stronger. The negative experiences usually put me 2 steps behind and I obsess over them,

Thursday, 18 October 2012

Yikes Interview Tomorrow

My interview is tomorrow and I am starting to freak out! It's a stupid group interview...never had one before. I'm thinking sleep is not coming tonight, since I won't be able to turn my mind off. Lately I haven't been sleeping too well. I've also been very angry and irritable for no reason. Will be glad when tomorrow is done. I don't know what my future holds, but I hope I get an epiphany soon about what the heck I want to do with my life.

I feel like a pathetic loser. I live at home with my mother, currently have no job, no social life, with no idea what I want to go back to school for. I wish that I had all the answers to all my problems, but nothing is ever easy for me and I have to get used to it.

Saturday, 13 October 2012

The First Post is Always the Hardest

Yo, what's up everybody? This blog is going to be about me and my life starting in the "real world".

So now to introduce myself, my name is Zebra (and no, it is not my real name), I'm in my early 20s and I have graduated college. I live with my mother since the economy is crap and I am currently unemployed (although I do have a second interview for a company next week). This blog is also going to be about my mental health. Currently I hate going to see doctors and I'm afraid of what labels they will give me.

About three years ago I went into a walk in clinic at a hospital and came out with the diagnosis of panic disorder...I have not been to a doctor since. I didn't want to believe that I had a mental illness; I was so in denial...quite frankly I still am. I am now coming to the realization that I truly have more diagnoses to come.

The doctor gave me two pills of ativan and said to go see my family doctor and he would give me more. I never saw my family doctor. I didn't want to be medicated, I was FINE. Truth be told I was not fine and I have become worse since avoiding treating my mental health.

Signing off for now,