I'm doing much better, I still have my downs, but this I have found is normal for everyone. I have really had to change my mindset. I never really understood how everyone feels and what they go through. I was very sheltered my whole life and my family never talked about feelings so I have been having to learn in my adult life that most things I think and go through are what everyone goes through at some point in their life. It's sad that I have to learn this lesson at my age, but I am glad that I am learning it, even though it is so hard.
I cleaned most of my room and closet today (which has been neglected for a year...well the organizing part...it wasn't dirty). I also have signed up for a driver's education course next month because I need to learn. It has been 2 years since I got my beginners (G1) and no one will teach me. I have to fork out a lot of money for it, but at least I will be able to get my G2. For the in car part they will come pick me up for my lessons, which is great because I will not have to rely on a family member to drive me to the lessons. I did take driver's education last year, but I could no longer get a ride to my lessons and then my lessons expired so I was fucked. Oh well I am doing it now and I am going to get my license! I might go do my actual G2 test in the fall.
Another life change was that I will be able to be a firefighter after all. I talked with a former recruiter and current firefighter and he said I cannot be discriminated based on having depression. A doctor will have to do a medical check anyways when I apply to a department and if I am stable then I would pass. (Side note: I found out I am NOT bipolar, not that it is bad, but I am thankful) I am so happy that I can have the job that I have always wanted. I was having trouble because I thought I would automatically be disqualified and that is the only thing that I had passion to be.
I'm working on getting back into shape and losing weight. I gained 40 pounds because I was depressed (so embarrassed and disgusted but I'm telling you everything). I'm working on correspondence courses so I can apply for the pre-health program next September. Then after that take the pre-service firefighter program and then possibly take the paramedic program. I figure if I do it that way I can work as a paramedic and gain those skills before I apply for a fire department because typically they will not hire you for at least 4 years. I would also be making some pretty good money (paying off student debt), and also gaining experience in the emergency field. Firefighters can also do a lot of medical calls too, so it would be very beneficial. If I have to be a paramedic for 10 years, I think I could handle that too, but ultimately my goal is to be a firefighter.
I need to get a part time job, but I tried that last November and I quit after 2 days (it was retail). I need to work on holding a job. I need to gain some skills by talking to my therapist. I need to be able to stick with something even if I absolutely hate it and want to quit. I just wasn't prepared to work with customers...angry customers who yelled at me even though it was not my fault at all. I am just a very sensitive person.
Anyways, I will leave it here.
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