Sunday, 11 November 2012

Anxiety, Depression, and Everything Else

So this post may be disorganised, but I am going to try to keep it understandable. I'm going to break it up into 3 categories. 1 is my anxiety because I usually feel it year round, 2 is depression and 3 is everything else

1. Anxiety
-mostly feel it around people or new situations
-negative thoughts
-start to sweat
-sometimes I stutter
-"                " get heart palpitations
-"                " have panic attacks (I feel dizzy, knees get weak if I'm standing, feel like I'm going to be sick, my hands get tingly and numb, and I feel like I can't move)
-I think people are judging, watching, or talking about me when I am around people (even though I know this is not true)

2. Depression
- I am usually depressed starting in the fall
   -feel worthless
   -sleep A LOT
   -no motivation
   -cry A LOT
   -think about suicide, but do not act on it
   -eat more
3. Everything Else
-I usually feel "normal" for maybe a month or two
-For about a week or two I get extremely irritable and agitated for no reason and pretty much hardly sleep
-I love when I have lots of motivation and I am able to clean the whole house and get all the tasks I need to get done (I only get this once a year, but when I feel like this, it's awesome.) It usually only lasts a week. The thing I don't like about it is that I can't turn my mind off and sometimes I get really obsessed about random projects and that I have to complete them when I think of it and I can't stop until it is finished

It's good for me to be able to express how I feel and what I go through because eventually I will have to talk to someone about it and at least this way I could print this off and show it to them. I want to eventually have a label for whatever my mental illness(es) is/are. I want to know how to treat it and be able to say ohhh that's why I act the way I do and that what I feel and do are not always my fault.

On a side note it's pretty cold here, so my dog sleeps under the blankets now :) she thinks she is human.

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