Friday, 30 November 2012

Day 1 of 15 mg

I saw my doctor and he upped my dose to 15 mg. I have to meet with him in another month. He said that the next step would be 20 mg and if I still am not better then he will add another antidepressant. He ordered a blood test to rule out any other causes that are making me feel like this. I told him I didn't feel any worse, but that was a lie...I started cutting myself, not deep or in plain view. Nobody knows and I want to keep it that way.

My jaw hurts and I'm really tired...I think it's because I upped my dose. I hate life right now and see no future for myself. I see no career, husband, kids, happiness, own house, or vacations in my future because I am a loser and I have no desire to do anything. I'm laying in bed and I don't even want to get out of bed to go to the bathroom, but I will force myself to get up and go.

Life is definitely a bitch.

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