Sunday, 20 January 2013

Volunteering and Anxiety

I will be seeing a social worker on this coming monday. It is with a female this time. The apointment will be for 50 minutes. My first time there I was seen by a social worker who was male and I only saw him for about 15 minutes. I couldn't sit still while he was asking me questions and was having a really hard time concentrating. I hope this time is easier for me. I'm not one who likes to be asked questions about myself and have a hard time expanding my answers.

I'm not quite sure what is going to happen during this apointment. Are social workers allowed to diagnose? I hope this expirence is easy to handle. I'm scared and nervous because I do not know what to expect.

I am in the process of starting to volunteer at a local hospital. I have an apointment to meet with the coordinator on this coming wednesday. I was kind of forced into doing volunteering by my mother. She says I need to do something like that or go back to school. I am so not ready to be interating with people or going to school. My doctor even said I should not go back to school for at least 6 months to a year. I also have severe social anxiety, so this is terrifying. I am bringing my mom to the apointment to the hospital because I wouldn't go otherwise.

To some people I may sound like a baby because I need my "mommy" to go with me. My anxiety is so bad that I cannot go out in public by myself.

I have a volunteer orientation on feburary 11th. I am going to be riddled with anxiety that day as well.

I  just feel like a big failure lately. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. I also feel like I have no future. I don't want to do this anymore,

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